Moody
Former Resident
"Rad Kids Got AGS Styles!"
Posts: 203
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Post by Moody on Oct 2, 2006 14:44:13 GMT -5
An eight by eleven inch purple notebook is filled with lined, mostly untouched pages. The notes inside are written neatly in pencil.
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Moody
Former Resident
"Rad Kids Got AGS Styles!"
Posts: 203
|
Post by Moody on Oct 2, 2006 16:00:45 GMT -5
Date: October 2, 2006
I normally don't write down my thoughts. They're usually pretty clear to me. Besides, when I look at what I've written the next day, I usually laugh at it, surprised by all the stupid details I threw in, as if I were a superficial twelve-year-old girl.
But today's Yom Kippur - a day for examining my life and my actions. There isn't a synagogue for miles, so some fasting and personal reflection is the best I can do.
I have to admit I haven't acted well this year. I really shouldn't have just left the House them without any notice. True, I hadn't stayed long and no one had a chance to get to know me, but someone must have worried. They took me in without question, so I owed them some consideration.
I should have thought ahead. I normally do. But that picture - I knew who she was. She was dead, yes, but she had spent the previous morning - the last seventeen years in the outside world.
[Her handwriting becomes more illegible.]
I didn't care how long it took; I had to find out more - she must have told someone - you couldn't live through that without telling someone. And they tried to help her. They have much better cures now. But she had a deadly silent look in that picture - died at 32 - "losing a long struggle with cancer" - state hospital. She thought - Macon told us over and over - throughcuts didn't want her wouldn't listen to her ravings any more than a dog's howls but she didn't have to - i could - i could have -
d**n it, she lived 5 miles from Homewood I could have found her the day I escaped!
[Her handwriting is written more clearly and in ink instead of pencil.]
Well, so much for organizing my thoughts. But at least I know where to begin.
1) I'll thank Rosemary for letting me stay at the crisis center. 2) I'll say goodbye to Yasmin and her kids. 3) I'll take the next bus to Kentucky and hope they'll understand. 4) I'll type this up this entry on an old computer and burn the paper copy. I don't want to compromise anyone's security. 5) I'll think before leaving at a moment's notice to do research, no matter how valuable it seems. 6) I'll leave the dead in peace. They don't have much to say.
Good. All my loose ends are tied up. At least I have something to look forward to. It might be nice to see them all again.
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